Looking for something dumb to do...?!?

16th August 2011 by MORE

I don't about you but as a 22-year-old guy who has just started dating a gorgeous girl, I think marriage should be seen as something special that exists between two people – two people that have a relationship together for a quality amount of time (which can be different for everyone).

Bruno Mars in his new song Marry You is getting a lot of air time at the moment. He has some different ideas about marriage especially in the pre-chorus: “It’s a beautiful night; we’re looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you.”

One of the main reasons why I'm writing about this song is because it is upsetting to hear that today's society thinks that marriage is "something dumb to do".

The Bible’s first account of a wedding is in Genesis 2:18, 21-24. Here we discover that marriage is God's idea – designed and instituted by the Creator. In these verses we also see that at the heart of God's design for marriage is companionship and intimacy. We can have intimacy in a relationship while we are not married but not to its fullness while staying within God's boundaries.

So let’s not keep marriage as a spur of the moment thing and just a "something dumb to do” decision. Let's give God the glory, so we can truly love and respect each other in marriage.

I have been reading the book Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and they have a few great tips on why quality dating is good for your relationship:

No Position

The Bible doesn’t actually give us a stance on dating. However, the Bible does talk about being a loving and honest person and tells us to grow in whatever we do. So I agree with the writers of this book when they say the biblical position on dating has much more to do with the person you are and are becoming than whether or not you should date. God could even grow in you through a dating relationship.

Working and Growing

Like some of you, my parents are divorced. But this doesn’t mean to say that I or anyone else should never get married. Just because there are car accidents does that mean no one should drive?

Marriage is just something that needs to be taken seriously, unlike Burno Mars’ song. Marriage needs to be worked on continuously. I remember hearing at a friend's weddings in their vows where they both said something along the lines of, “I pray this is the day I love you the least.” This to me symbolizes that they always want to work on their relationship and grow in their love for each other.

Time

Having enough dating time before marriage allows the couple to learn sexual self-control and other delays of gratification. Good dating allows people the opportunity to have a relationship and forgo sex. This is a wise thing to do while developing a relationship. For some couples who have not developed a relationship outside sex, one or both of them will use sex as a substitute for the relationship. Dating within God's limits makes people learn how to relate to one another while denying sexual expression.

Learning process

Give each person the opportunity to learn about the opposite sex before making a “dumb”, uneducated choice. Dating gives you valuable time to discover the opposite sex, one's feelings, moral limits, one's need for relationship skills and one's tastes in people.

Building relationship skills

When we grow up we may not develop all the skills which are required to maintain an intimate relationship. But when we begin dating, we find out that we possess some serious insecurities, or we lack certain relationship skills, such as communication, vulnerability, trust, assertiveness, honesty, lust, self-sacrifice and listening abilities. In a dating relationship we become aware of our immaturity and we find out what we need to work on before we are ready for a significant relationship.

Maintaining boundaries within a dating relationship

As mentioned in the book – “Include the person your dating in your circle of friends, and if you’re not ask yourself why, what is it about that person that does not fit with your friends?” Make sure you do things together with both of your groups of friends and other couples as well.

It is also essential that you have your own deep, rooted friendships. It is important to maintain quality time with them on your own because that’s where your support system lives. By keeping accountable to your friends they will be able to notice changes in you for the good or the bad and this will help you realise if the relationship isn’t going so well, while you are lost in love.

Another important tip is to “humbly listen to your date for correction and restrain the urge to react blame.” Sometimes in relationships we find we try to fix our partner's negative qualities. We need to be mature enough to accept what is negative and work with reality of who they are instead of always blaming them.

Remember that good things take time. Intense relationships often end up either burning out or being shallow. Real love takes time and has no shortcut, but it is worth it in the end. Don’t spend all your free time with your partner. Make sure you maintain a balance between the time you spend with your partner and time you spend with your other activities.

By Andrew 'Patto' Patterson. Andrew lives in Brisbane and is actively involved at Centenary Salvos.

Comments

Nicole

August 16, 2011 at 12:33pm

You can find some great advice on dating and courtship at http://www.boundless.org/ - a site set up by Focus on the Family for teens and young adults looking for Godly guidance in their relationships. They also have a really great podcast that comes out once a week.

Reply
Elizabeth

August 21, 2011 at 1:12pm

very insightful, it is great to see young people with such great insight into relationships, and seeking to learn about how to approating in a christian way.

Reply