Girlzone: Finding the middle ground

1st August 2011 by Esther Pinn

What are your parents like? Do you have the “cruisy” Mum from Mean Girls who lets her daughter Regina (played by Rachel McAdams) do what she wants?

Or do you have the strict Dad from 10 Things I Hate About You who doesn’t let his daughter Bianca (played by Larisa Oleynik) date?

Does anyone else struggle to get along with their parents at times? Do you often feel like it’s hard to please them?

The Bible clearly states: Honour Your Parents. This is great, but what does this actually mean?

Everyone has different parents. And everyone’s parents have different expectations and rules. And sometimes you think you’re doing the right thing, when in their eyes you’re not.

So, I have tried to narrow down the different types of parents out there, and hopefully you will relate to one of these types. And hopefully, this article will help you to find middle ground with your parents.

The ‘we-don’t-trust-you’ parent

They watch your every move. And when you want to go to a friend’s place they insist upon knowing every single detail.

Often this comes from a place of love, but parents can be scared for your safety and they often worry that you might put yourself in a dangerous situation. But for you, this can feel quite claustrophobic.

If you feel like you need some space, the best response is not to chuck a hissy fit (I know, it can be hard), but talk to your parents instead. Firstly acknowledge that they are great role models in your life and tell them how much you appreciate them. Then try telling them how you feel when they don’t trust you.

For example, “I feel frustrated when you don’t let me go to the movies with my friends. I’d really like the opportunity to show you that I can be trusted.”

Once you have their trust, work hard at maintaining it!

The 'pushy' parent

Their opinion is always best. They are always telling you who you should hang out with or what you should wear.

At times parents can be overly assertive because they don’t want to see you fail. And they feel if they push you into their decisions, then they believe you won’t fail.

As much as they are trying to be helpful, this doesn't always help. It’s important to talk to them about this issue but in a calm way. If you feel like they are not listening, then ask another family member such as an aunt or a close friend to help you vocalise your feelings to your parents.

The 'hands-free' parent

These are the parents who let their kids do want they want. While the freedom is endless, this often means that parents don’t have the time drive you to your ballet lessons or help you with your assignment.

Like Regina’s mum in Mean Girls, this kind of parent often tries to me more of a friend than a parent. While having a great relationship with you parents is fine, it’s important to have balance.

The best thing to do is just be honest about how you feel. Then, ask if they will consider spending more time with you. Tell them that you would appreciate having more time with them.

The 'overprotective' parent

They organise your life. Whether it’s ringing your guitar teacher to cancel your lesson or ringing your friend’s mum about the gossip her daughter spread about you, they try to remove every obstacle before you have the chance to do it yourself.

Independence is important. This is because it’s part of growing up and becoming responsible. Often overprotective parents like to shield their kids from having bad experiences. Some parents also struggle with the concept of “growing up” – they find it difficult to let go!

Try talking to your parents about how you are finding it hard to learn from life’s lessons if you never get the chance to experience them. And when you feel scared about calling into work because you’re sick, ask you parents what you should say instead of getting them to do it instead.

By discussing how to approach situations this will not only help you to become independent, but will help your parents realise that you are capable of handling tricky situations.

Comments

Laura

August 05, 2011 at 9:43am

Thank you Esther for this article! it was somethign that I needed to read! :)

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Esther Pinn

August 05, 2011 at 10:42am

No worries Laura! Glad you could find some helpful advice from it!

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