Pornography traps girls too.
26th July 2011 by Shandri Brown
Isn’t pornography the domain of young guys, hooked guiltily on their computer screens long after their parents have gone to bed, trapped by promises of flesh from big-busted, scantily clad women?
Ahh yes, this widely held belief sees many young women defenceless against an addiction that longs to entrap their minds. I am certain the myths that surround pornographic material are many but for now I just want to address two.
Myth #1: Pornography only traps guys
Guys are generally more visual creatures than girls (no huge secret revealed there) and so they are more likely to be attracted to pictures of attractive women in string bikinis than a girl is likely to care about seeing a guy in his jocks. When pornography is discussed by a church it is usually treated as a guy issue, secret men’s business.
What a shame.
It is just not true that pornography does not have a grip on young women. Studies have shown that over a quarter of people who admit to internet pornography addiction are women, and Today’s Christian Woman reports that one out of every six Christian women struggle with this issue.
And here’s the scary thought. These statistics are just counting the women who recognise that they are intentionally taking in porn and are ready to admit it.
I have a few girlfriends who have struggled for years with the desire to look at sexual images. They have confessed it, prayed about it and fought it in God’s strength. They are amazing, courageous women who acknowledge their inner battle and they are not the women I feel most concerned for.
My belief is that most women taking in pornography do not even know it is happening!! Hence our second myth…
Myth #2: Pornography is extremely sexualised pictures and films
Surely you have a girlfriend who now owns the complete Jodi Picoult series of novels, or some other similar collection of "chick literature". I can go to many friends’ houses and see these on their nightstands and I see them on people’s desks at work. No problem right? About time we got into more reading, and isn’t “chick lit” better then reading Harry Potter?
Hmmm, I love to read. In fact my mum keeps giving me Jodi Picoult books and other “young women” books in acknowledgement of my reading passion. The only problem is, I’ve found that every single one of these books has quite explicit sex scenes written in them. I asked around my Christian friends to find out if there was anything they had already read that didn’t have a sex scene and everyone’s answer was “no”!
Umm, hello?! Is this not a problem? Our minds are powerful things, so why do we think it is ok to fill them up with writing that is designed to stimulate sexual excitement? How is reading racy stuff, allowing our heartbeats to race and our minds to picture all that is occurring, any better than taking in a seedy website?
And it’s not just the sex scenes in written form that are a problem. It’s the romance … yes, the romance! Even Christian romance novels (the kind you can get at Koorong with a pilgrim in a field on the cover). These novels often contribute to us building relationship fantasies in our minds that can eventually lead us to develop completely unrealistic expectations. It's partaking in a type of (surely innocent?) emotional pornography.
The impact
Pornography of any kind doesn’t just affect our intimacy with God. It impacts our present and future relationships. When a guy takes in pictures of Playboy bunnies he hurts his future wife by building up a completely unrealistic idea of what an attractive woman is. What normal woman can compete with endless plastic surgery and airbrushing? It’s not fair right?
Is it different when women become addicted to Christian romance novels and build up completely unrealistic ideas regarding men? Any books that present fictional men who remain unfailing, creative, romantic, good-looking, protective, perfect, spiritual champions with all the right words and moves don’t really help us build realistic expectations of future husbands.
Could it be that there are many women addicted to silent, unrecognised “emotional” pornography? Could it be that women choosing an intentional exposure to unachievable perfection in the written form are just as confused as people choosing an intentional exposure to internet images?
Battle for the Mind
Despite how it may come across, I am not actually trying to suggest that all novel-reading will sway you to untold evils and that the Bible should be the only book you own. Reading extensively is a great thing. The important thing is to be careful with what your mind takes in.
Are you happy for your nanna to have a copy of all your books and read them through with you? If not, you either have a real problem with your book choice, or your nanna – only you would know.
Show caution. Win the battle for your mind and it will become easier to win the battle for what the rest of your body does. Romans 7:23, Romans 8:5 and Romans 12:2 all highlight the importance of looking after the precious place between our ears. Check these out as you check out your bookshelf.
Further Reading
If you would like to read further into this issue, there’s a great book that talks about guarding your heart and mind in a sex-saturated world. It’s called Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn and can be purchased from Koorong or Word Bookstore . And don't worry, this book doesn't have a pilgrim on the cover!
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Comments
Awesome, I hope this helps people relies that this is a real problem for girls too. I have heaps of girlfriends who are trying to work though their way though this porn issue.
If you are stuggling with this issue, you really aren't alone. I'm sick of this if we pretend it's not there it will go way rule. It's not true.
I'd love to find out more information on how to help my friends though this.
Ive never considered the impact of such books before! Woah, thanks for the article, it made me realise a lot.
To me, the fact that authors think that unnecessary scenes will sell more copies of their novels is absolutely appalling. I would rather read a novel by someone with enough integrity and wisdom to omit anything of an explicit nature than a fantastic author obsessed with writing bestsellers who will write anything to get there.
Also, it is sad to think that because some of the books with explicit scenes in them have really good plot lines and explore real issues, people read them for the sake of reading them, and cannot bring themselves to perhaps skip a few pages, in case they miss an important twist.
I would really like to hear form anyone who feels the same way as me on this issue. Let's take a stand :)
Tamara I think that even just being prepared to discuss it with your friends will be hugely helpful to them. It's not really something that comes up at women's events so we need to be intentional about having the conversation.
Kimberley I totally agree. it is all too easy to gloss over the explicit stuff because the book has some other valuable or interesting twist. If we are really committed to hearing about 'real issues' there are plenty of avenues to do it other than through these novels.
Good Word Shandri