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14th April 2011 by David Brice

Have you ever been in a disagreement or felt hurt by someone and fighting seemed like the best option ... or, maybe the only option?

Kill Gaddafi?

It has been pretty crazy watching the events in Libya recently. Particularly with pictures of protesters being attacked and killed by the very people who should have been there to protect them. There are stories of fighting from protesters who turned to violent revolution.

I have to admit I had a couple of different responses when foreign militaries began bombing in Libya. My first thought was "Good!" There is something about the idea of people overthrowing an unjust regime that is appealing. "And hey", I thought, "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they dropped a bomb onto Gaddafi's house as well!"

At the same time I felt unsure. When is it right to go to war and to take lives? Was every other possibility pursued? I want to see people protected, but what will be the best for them, not just today, but for the long-term?

Time to fight

As much as I'd like to pretend that I'm great at dealing with conflict, the reality is if I feel as though someone has done wrong by me, forgiving them and understanding their perspective can be so hard! My more natural response is to venture down the attack pathway.

It sometimes seems that the main message projected in the world is that the only way to really deal with differences or with conflict is to go on the attack, whether it is physical or verbal. Or if you want to keep your honour and be respected, then you have to stand up and fight.

When do you think it is right to fight? When someone shames you? When someone treats you badly? When someone hurts you or someone you care about?

The upside-down view

If there is an issue which the Bible seems totally crazy and upside-down about, this must be one of them. The Bible has some really confronting things to say about how to deal with conflict.

 Things like:

• "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also," (Matthew 5:39).
• "Do not take revenge ... If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink ... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:19-21). In fact, the gospel itself is referred to as the gospel (or "good news") of peace (Ephesians 6:15).

So, what is this telling us? That we need to be passive little people who let others walk all over us? I don't think so. Jesus was anything but passive. He transformed situations by stepping up and confronting the violent or unjust ways in which people dealt with each other. I think the Bible actually tells us to be proactive in overcoming violence and destructive conflict, but to do it by showing love, not by using violence.

Our response

Here are a couple of really simple suggestions that might be helpful next time you find yourself in conflict with someone:

Try to find something nice you can say or do for the other person. This way of acting is so unexpected, but it is crazy how the smallest act of kindness can totally change a situation.

Ask questions. Genuinely try to understand the other person's perspective.

Try talking about the issue rather than the person. For example, rather than saying how much you think the other person sucks because of their actions, try explaining how their actions impacted you.

If you find yourself in a situation of bullying or abuse, remove yourself from the situation and talk to someone you can trust such as a teacher or parent. Choosing not to fight with someone doesn't mean you have to let other people continue to mistreat you.

Is there ever a situation where it is right to use violence? For me the jury is still out on that. If history has shown us anything though, it is that the use of violence tends to just create more violence in the long run. Instead of approaching conflict looking for the fight, how different do you think it would be if we approached it looking for a way to show love?

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