High School Embarrassment

21st February 2011 by Nathaniel Brown

Do you ever get embarrassed looking back at old pictures or old video footage of yourself? It’s always funny when you look back on what you used to look like and how you used to act. I’ve had some doozy looks in my time and on the whole I’m pretty happy to lose them in the annals of unimportant history.

Talking of embarrassing history though ...

Recently I was reminiscing about school days with an old friend and I’ve got to admit that I thought of myself as a pretty good kid when I was at school. I had great mates, I got decent marks, heck I even got the Christian Citizenship award. But as we were recalling certain people from our grade we listed the names of some kids who just got ripped on all the time ... the kids who got hassled from year 7-12 because they were overweight, socially awkward, or from a poor family.

As we talked I realised that I was rarely seen to be the nasty kid driving the abuse. I was the kid who sat two desks across who did nothing at all.

There I sat, proud recipient of the Christian Citizenship award, doing absolutely nothing while the big kid was told, again, that he was a fat piece of $#*! Sure, I didn’t approve of what was going on and I certainly wasn’t the one hurling the abuse but I sure didn’t look like someone who had a problem with it. I looked like one of the crowd ... sitting in silence while someone’s self-esteem was torn to shreds by the cruel words of an insecure, year-10 ‘tough’ kid.

School can suck. It can suck because some kids get treated like crap for no good reason and no one seems to care. If I cared back then I sure didn’t show it. Looking back I’m ashamed of my behavior and I wish I could go back and do it all again differently. I wish for the opportunity to make it right but it can’t be made right because I can’t take back what I did, or more importantly, didn’t do. The embarrassing memory of my inaction simply serves as a signpost to others of what Christian love doesn’t look like.

When it comes to serving suffering humanity it might look like an anti-trafficking campaign, or defending the rights of child soldiers, or it might just look like being a friend to the friendless.

I lay awake in bed the night after that conversation pouring out my unconfessed sin to a God who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. I sure am grateful for clean slates and second chances.

Comments

Matt

February 22, 2011 at 4:45pm

I was one of the kids who was picked on for no reason at all and I do feel it did some damage. Even today I feel extremely nervous around new people and it is likely because it has been hard-wired into my brain to approach new people and new situations with extreme caution. It is really easy for people who have never been on the receiving end of harassment and bullying each and everyday from year 7 through to 12 to simply say "move on", when they really don't know the damage it does.

In saying this I have moved somewhat on and I believe I do live a more successful life now than some of the bullies who I thought would likely end up better than I am. I believe this is because of my relationship with Jesus and knowing his plan for me is perfect.

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!Relle

February 22, 2011 at 5:01pm

Nate,

love this article... it reminds me of the song by Kate Miller-Hiedke 'Caught in the Crowd'.... google the lyrics it's good.

I look back at high school and realised that I was pretty much stuck in a mission field for 6hrs a day and I realise I had known that then and realised the impact standing up for someone could of done...

I heard of a Junior Soldier in grade 1 who a few weeks ago saw a Kid getting picked on at school and decided to step in stop the bullying, then each day this girl meets the other kid at the school gate and looks after her during the day. That weekend parents and grandparents of the kid getting picked on rocked up at church cause they wanted to meet the girl sticking up for their kid, and they have kept coming back to church....... 4 adults and 1 child now come to church because 1 christian decided not to sit back and watch injustice happen.

If a 6yr old can do it.... Why are we sitting back?

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MJ

March 28, 2011 at 7:59pm

well i sure dont see much bullying going on around school now days that im a senior but when i do see it i do try and stop it when possible but usually i am the one who is being picked on have been ever scince year 2 yet i cant really do much about it because its a group of people or someone 3 times my size doing it to me and no one seems to care they all sit back and laugh then join in even my so called mates do it but if i stop hanging with them i got no one to hang with at school because i just dont fit in anywhere and i honestly dont know what to do anymore sure i only got 1 and a third year left of school but thats my hsc years and if i cant stop the bullying now to concentrate how am i suposed to stop it later on in life :/

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