The secret stuff
23rd August 2010 by Claire Hill
Does any of this sound familiar?
You're struggling, and you've been struggling for a while, but you're determined to handle everything on your own.
Haven't spent any time with God in ages and not sure if you believe in him anymore? Best not to involve anyone with that.
Slept with your boyfriend – twice! Even though you really wanted to wait for marriage? Try to sort it out on your own.
Can't stop looking at pornography? Keep that quiet! What would people think of you if they knew?
Struggling with an eating disorder? You don't want to burden people.
Maybe it's because we don't want to bring them down. Maybe we've convinced ourselves we can handle it alone. Maybe we're scared they'll think we're weak or dirty, or that they'll never be able to look at us the same way again.
Whatever the reason, many of us have trouble asking for help.
I can certainly relate to the desire to deal with stuff on my own, and not have to 'fess up and involve other people in my struggles. I've definitely done it. But the thing is – we all need help in this life. Even the most independent and capable people.
Help from friends
Our friends and youth leaders are there to give us a 'leg up' when we need it, to support us emotionally and practically when things are tough.
"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:10).
Pity the man who falls, has people who could help him up, but chooses not to ask!
Help from accountability partners
If you haven't got someone who keeps you accountable at the moment – I encourage you to try to find someone. Your accountability person should be a mature Christian who you trust and respect – someone who you know wants the best for you and wants to see you grow in God.
Having someone you can be totally honest with is invaluable.
Lots of young people who have struggled with issues like the ones outlined above have found that it makes a massive difference to have someone spiritually mature who you respect keeping you accountable. When you know that on Monday your youth leader is going to ask you whether you ate properly that week, it'll give you more strength to get through the tough day on Saturday when you're feeling like you really want to go to crazy lengths to lose weight after a massive meal and a bad day.
Help from people who know what they're talking about
Sometimes we think you've got to be really messed up to seek help from a counsellor. Sometimes we avoid it because we think it means we're weak or a freak. Actually, it's usually the wise, strong person who puts up their hand and admits "I need some help here". As Proverbs 12:15 says: "A fool thinks he needs no advice but a wise man listens to others".
When we choose to do it alone and suffer in silence, we cut ourselves off from people who can help us.
But we were never meant to live that way.
If you're struggling with something in silence at the moment – whatever it is, I encourage you to make today the day that that changes. Talk to your corps officer, your youth leader, a friend, or take advantage of one of the phone numbers below.
KIDS HELP LINE
http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/ or 1800 55 1800
Free, confidential telephone counselling for under 25 year olds.
SALVO YOUTH LINE
02 8736 3293
Confidential telephone counselling for young people.
By Claire Hill
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Comments
Nice words, Claire. Having an accountability partner is the best thing ever.