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17th May 2010 by Julia Hosking

You've recently turned 18 and are legally an adult. You are officially allowed to make your own decisions and no longer need a guardian's permission for anything. You live your life the way you want to – working, studying, partying – all according to your timetable. 

Have you ever wondered how your parents might feel while you're exploring this new stage of life? You sleep in their home, eat their food, use their water and consume their electricity but how often do you see them? Or appreciate them? Do you respect them? Do you honour them?

The fifth commandment

You are probably aware of commandment number five: honour your father and mother. But did you know that it comes with a promise (Ephesians 6:1-4)? Part two says: "so that you may live long and that it may go well with you," (Deuteronomy 5:16).

Note that part two does not say: "until you turn 18", "until you move out of home", or even "until you get married". So given there is no end date, how do you actually "honour" your parents as an adult? Below are some ways to put this commandment into practice, and in this article, "parents" also refers to guardians.

1. Communication is the key

As corny as those Telstra ads are, it is important to call your mum (and dad). If you're local, make an effort to have a regular meal with them. If you live a few hours away, grab a webcam, sign up to Skype (it's free) and have a chat.

If you live at home, you might be thinking you see your parents all the time, so you don't need to worry about this one. But think about it, how many quality conversations do you really share? You grunt "morning" while you're half asleep, yell "see ya" as you run out the door, and answer "how are you" at a quick family dinner. But you are now at an age where you can actually converse with people beyond your immediate age group, and your parents probably want to have meaningful conversations with you. Honour them by talking to them.

2. R.E.S.P.E.C.T

If you live with them, respect their rules: clean your room, tell them when you'll be home, help with dinner.

If you don't live with them (and even if you do), respect them. If they say they'd like to have you over for dinner, go over. When you make a decision, consider their values. And if you're at their house, abide by their rules.

Overall, act in a way that shows respect for them, their rules and their ways of life.

3. Honour their opinions

We do not have to always agree with our parents, and as adults, we are entitled to make our own decisions. But we should give our parents the time of day and hear their opinions and advice.

You are both operating in the same "adult society" so you need to acknowledge your level playing field. When you are a child, you totally submit to your parents because you are completely dependent on them. As you grow older, the gap between you (intellectually, socially) shrinks and you are both in the adult world, so acknowledge this new "status" and embrace it.

4. Parents are peers

Family is so often taken for granted as we adopt the mentality that "they will always be there". But have you ever realised that you don't know what you have until it's gone?

Why take your parents or family for granted? Why act immature and "I'm an adult I can do what I want", when all you're doing is burning bridges and ruining relationships? Do you love and value your friends and treat them with respect? Or do you yell at them because you got out of bed on the wrong side and tripped on a shoe in the process? Treat your parents as you treat your friends. They deserve it.

5. Prayer is honourable

Honour your parents by praying for them. Praying for your parents shows you care about them. If they are Christians, you are encouraging them in their walk with God, and in their day-to-day life. If they aren't Christians, that is all the more reason to pray for them and for their salvation!

When it's not easy

Maybe you don't have a positive relationship with your parents and never see them, so all of this seems impossible. In that case, you can still honour them through prayer. And if you can, seek forgiveness in your heart for them, because then you are being obedient to God's commands to love, forgive and honour.

Alternatively, maybe your parents are not supportive of your Christian faith. As an adult, you are free to make your own decisions about your faith, just don't be rude about it as the Lord always asks us to honour our parents.

Regardless of who your parents are, always honour them and display the love of Christ.

By Julia Hosking

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