Love and purity
31st August 2009 by Yvette Clarke
Girls, if we're honest with ourselves, we would admit that almost every one of us, if we don't already have one, wants a boyfriend. Also, I know that while you boys probably won't readily admit it, I'm sure that part of you wants to be in a relationship. And that is ok. We aren't meant to survive without human contact. And even though God made us as relational creatures, relationships come with dangers and I want to address some of them.
Light and dark relationships
Sound familiar: ‘we're pretty much dating but not really', ‘friends with benefits' or ‘we're just waiting for the right time'?
These statements indicate relationships that are in the dark. The problem with that is they're hidden. You don't tell anyone you're dating, but you're sneaking around and spending time together without others knowing.
Start in the light
It is incredibly important that relationships are in the ‘light'. Are you dating or are you not dating? You can't be in-between. I understand that there is a time when you prepare to date, but that time is there to speak to mentors about what is happening, as well as seek accountability so you don't go too far too fast. If you're in the light when you're preparing to date, then you'll be in the light when you are dating.
Make some rules
Before you even worry about whether you're in or out of the light, you need to have some rules. Rules are important, but once they are made, they need to be shared with others and followed!
Before I went out with my first boyfriend I had already made up my dating rules because I'd decided I wanted to be sexually pure when I got married. I wanted to be able to give myself to one man only, my husband. In order to ensure that I did not fall into the temptation of sex, I set some boundaries. These boundaries were there to protect myself so that once I was in a relationship I was not going to be affected by feelings and urges. And even if I did trip once or twice, I would not completely fall and regret no longer being pure for my husband.
Here are my rules...
In order to help you develop your own set of rules, I want to share some of mine with you. Guys, this is important for you to read too.
- Don't be alone in a parked car at night time. Always stay on separate seats and never, ever, ever sit in the backseat together.
- Never be alone in a house. Also don't be alone in your bedroom with the door shut, and if your bedroom is far from where other people are going to be, don't even go there.
- Make shoulders to knees out of bounds. That means no touching, no lingering hands, no nothing.
- Be careful who you kiss. Some people don't see kissing as a big deal, but I think it is as intimate as you can get with another person before marriage. If you've only ever kissed a few people, your future spouse will feel all the more special and loved.
- Keep talking! The most important thing you can do before you date, when you date, when you're engaged, and once you are married, is to keep talking about everything. If your boy/girlfriend does something that makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell them. And if you disagree with your partner's rules then openly talk to them about it, and make some agreements.
When you like someone all you want to do is be near them, and be close to them. That's natural; it's all part of how God made us. We are human beings with hormones, and while the rules may seem like overkill, rules help you to keep your hormones in control.
The gift of purity
When I was fourteen I made the decision that the greatest gift I could ever give my future husband was myself, completely and honestly. That meant that I was careful about kissing guys and that before starting relationships I prayed a lot and sought opinions from mentors and my parents.
It's meant that sometimes people have told me I have too many rules (I have close to 50), but in the long run, my strict rules that I've followed mean that when I walk down the aisle to get married, I will be a bride who has remained pure for her husband. It means that I can give him my untouched self that was saved for him.
What does God say?
You may be thinking "blah, blah, blah, another person telling me to not have sex". But it's not just me, your parents, or your youth leaders who made up this idea of purity; it came from God. When God created us his plan was for one woman to be with one man.
Here are some Scriptures for you to check out and meditate on as you consider what type of relationships you want to have. Proverbs 4:23; Mark 10:5-9; 1 Corinthians 6:13-20; 1 Corinthians 10:12-13; 1 Corinthians 13:1-8; Ephesians 5:22-33; 2 Timothy 2:22.
But I encourage you to look beyond what I've said; turn to the back of your Bible or get on the net and find more Scriptures about relationships and purity.
Yvette is the youth pastor of [UNLEASHED] Youth at the Gold Coast Salvos. Her favourite colour is green, she loves batman and is addicted to Scrubs.
Yvette goes to Bible college, loves to read books and is excited about what will happen in the future as this generation stands up as true soldiers of Jesus Christ.
save. grow. serve.
save - noah rzeminski
Noah Rzeminski from Wollongong tells how his father was not happy with his decision to b... Read more
serve - nick horvatic
Nick Horvatic from Bundaberg shares his journey as a youth worker over the past few year... Read more
Got your own story to share? Write to us today!
Comments
I couldn't agree more with what you've written, and I think it's really important for young girls to hear this from someone who isn't a parent. I think that when you highlighted the importance of keeping relationships 'in the light' you have hit on something that is so very true. I remember being told once that the devil hides things away and makes secrets of things, and God will bring all things into the light. Relationships that are hidden are bound to fall into trouble, coz it isn't how God wants us to be.
Thanks for such a great encouragement, more girls need to start thinking this way. And own that way of thinking. Young guys too.
God bless!
Hey Yvette, thanks for sharing your thoughts. There's a fantastic book out by Kris Vallotton called "Sexual Revolution" (formally published as Purity - the new moral revolution). He has a website too www.moralrevolution.com
Its a great book and offers hope and courage for those who are virgins but also for those who have already given away their virginity. An amazing story of a young woman who had her virginity restored - God actually restored her hymen.
Purity is something that we need in our lives whether we are single or married, virgin or not. It is a lifelong commitment and Kris's book is very encourging and highly challenging.
hey Yvette,
i read this today and now i have been inspired. i really love what u have written in here.
thanks Yvette
love ya
Yvette you sumed it up really well!
Purity is such an important thing! My mum always say's to me with "Purity comes power".
Keep up the good work
Bless ya
Mark
Purity precedes power ;)
i agree with you brcause i'm a muslem and islam says
that women shoud show their beautifulness only for
their husbands so they can have a good life and nobody
won't look at them as a tool for pleasure