Hurt people hurt people
20 March 2010 by Claire Hill |
There’s a well known saying that says that: “hurt people hurt people” and there’s a lot of truth in it. Many times when I have been hurt as a leader I have later learned that the offender has suffered a lot of hurt themselves.
Yes – it is often true that hurt people hurt people. But it doesn’t need to be.
When we have been hurt badly as a leader we might experience resentment, anger, disillusionment (with people or with the church) lowered self esteem or confidence and we might find that we have a new, more negative way of looking at things. We need to take these symptoms seriously or we risk becoming jaded and bitter and hard of heart. We risk carrying on the “hurt people hurt people” chain.
- See a counsellor
- Take some time out
- Spend hours on your knees
… do absolutely whatever you have to keep your spirit healthy.
Let’s strive to never contribute to the “hurt people hurt people” chain. :)
Comments
Older comments-
Mel
20 March 2010 at 3:43 pm
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Robyn
22 March 2010 at 8:31 am
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Claire
22 March 2010 at 10:51 am
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Claire
22 March 2010 at 2:20 pm
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Miriam
23 March 2010 at 7:48 am
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Jesse
29 April 2010 at 5:15 pm
This is a great word. Relevant to about anyone who has ever been hurt. AKA anyone who is human.
Needed to be said, and will help so much in bringing understanding into many messy situations, if people keep it in mind.
Nice one, Claire!
It is so simple, yet not everyone who has been hurt turns to God, but actually turns on others.
Thanks for the reminder to keep healthy even in periods of hurt and pain.
@Mel Totally can happen to anyone hey!
@Robyn So simple in principle – but not always as simple in practice hey!? :)
Our experiences tend to shape us.
It can take an awful lot of wisdom, intentionality and energy to recognise and then properly deal with the sometimes gradual or subtle effects hurtful experiences can have on our leadership.
Learning to deal with the tough stuff is “tough stuff”
If you have ever been deeply hurt, then you know how hard it is to forgive and to move forward.
There was a time in my life when I felt really put down, and everything within me wanted to fight. God said to me, “You stand, don’t say anything, and I’ll fight for you.” My personality type says that I would rather say something!
The other thing that happened was that I was reading Psalm 23 in my devotions, and words that I have read a thousand times stood out. ”He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He restores my soul.” And then words that were unexpected … “Miriam, until you deal with this, take time, and let me restore your soul, there’ll be no more vision”. Now they are hard words for someone who is a visionary!
And so I began what was for me a very difficult journey. I learned to get before God over this issue, to seek him, to learn forgiveness, love and grace. My faithful God did restore my soul. And four months later, at a youth retreat in Maroochydore in Queensland, doing my journaling … through an Old Testament passage, God said that it was time now to move forward, that the vision would return …and it did.
God showed me that nothing is to be swept under the carpet; that I can’t afford to live in unforgiveness and hurt; that he will restore my soul; that I need to love those who stand against me.
I can choose to be better or bitter. I choose to be better!
Yeah, I like this Claire.
So often what happens in conflict is that people tend to react in anger, in the heat of the moment and yes – hurt others (quite often the people they are closest too) as a result. Conversely, they can (as Miriam put it) “sweep it under the carpet”. Play the Emu and stick their head in the sand and pretend the conflict doesn’t exist.
Conflict needs to be dealt with. Pain needs to be journeyed through. The way in which we do it is a reflection of our relationship with God and an opportunity for character development.
James 1 comes to mind:
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance
4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
God allows us to go through these experiences for our benefit. What seperates us as Christians (from those who aren’t in his Kingdom!) is that we have hope in affliction and a real joy in suffering.
God bless you,
Jesse