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'Gutter junkie' to freedom

7 October 2014

'Gutter junkie' to freedom

At the age of seven, Tamara Ashby took a hypodermic needle to school for show and tell.

She had no idea that it was unusual to have new and used needles littered around a family home.

With intravenous drug use an everyday part of her young life (family members told her they were having their “medicine”), Tamara was eventually taken into foster care. She went on to have a shocking 88 care placements and never doubted that she, too, would one day use intravenous drugs.

“I never felt I belonged anywhere – never felt a part of anything or anyone,” says Tamara.

“All I wanted was a mum to love me and I never got that.”

By the age of 12, she was using intravenous drugs herself. “For me, drug use was really normal,” she says.

Tamara had her first baby at the age of 14 and another soon after. With no real home, she chose to give her children into care while she tried to get clean. She went to rehab, but could not beat her habit.

“It just broke my heart not to have my children around, even though I didn’t really know how to be a parent to them,” she says.

“I didn’t even know who I was, or how to look after myself, let alone anybody else. I was hanging around bad people and was in bad relationships. I wanted to get clean, but didn’t know how.”

Finally, encouraged by a drug and alcohol worker, she decided to try rehab for a second time at the Watershed in Wollongong.

“At that time I had nothing in my life,” she says. “I arrived at rehab with a broken hairbrush in a plastic bag with a few clothes.”

Sense of belonging

While on the program, Tamara heard others speak of God. At first she was angry with God for all the pain she had experienced, but says that finally, in desperation one day, alone in her room, she “got  on her hands and knees” and begged God for “something to change”.

“That was the start of my journey to finding God,” she says.

“I no longer felt lonely, or as though something was missing – I felt like I was filled.”

Tamara spent her 21st birthday in rehab and began to attend Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings, which remain “incredibly important” to her today.  

After graduating, she moved into Sydney’s west, and became a client of The Salvation Army’s FYRST (Follow-On Youth Recovery Support Team) service at Parramatta.

There she received support to avoid a relapse.

“I believe that [my FYRST worker, Robin] saved my life,” says Tamara. But getting off the drugs was only the beginning. “Once I was clean, I had no idea how to live,” shares Tamara. “It was like being a baby again – I had to learn how to crawl, then how to walk, with life skills and relationship skills. All along the way I had Robin’s, and then Sharon’s (now FYRST service manager), support.

“They helped me get a house and get settled on my own. They were the first women in my life that I ever had really good, healthy, trustworthy relationships with.

“The FYRST programs were good, but what made the real difference was Robin and Sharon believing in me. I’ve been clean five years now and I don’t think there’s any way I’d still be clean without them.”

In control

A seemingly out-of-the-blue text message had a life-altering impact on Tamara’s future. The text read: “[You] need to pay your TAFE fees now.” Tamara had no memory of ever applying to TAFE.

“I rang up and apparently when I was still completely ‘off my head’ I’d applied to do a diploma in community services,” she says.

“How amazing!

“I started the full-time course, I stayed clean, I was still doing NA meetings and I was applying to get my kids back. I completed the course and moved out of the FYRST program – because I’d finished that – but was still working with Robin and Sharon getting counselling and support,” she says.

“Then I got a work experience placement at a mental health support service and they offered me a job – the first job I’d ever had in my life!”

Wanting to work closer to home, three years later Tamara applied for her current position as a case manager with The Salvation Army Recovery Services (Pathways) in Penrith, a community-based day program that offers comprehensive treatment for drug and alcohol dependence and access to a range of health and welfare services.

Tamara married in 2010 and has had two more children, plus has almost regained permanent custody of her older sons, with the support of Salvos Legal (she has them in her care right now, but is awaiting court orders).

“I love life,” she says. “I’ve got an amazing, beautiful life! We go to church at Penrith Salvos and God’s such an integral part of my recovery.”

Tamara admits life still has its struggles, but she now knows that every day is a new day and tries to learn from her mistakes.

“I was a gutter junkie – but today I have a life. I contribute to society, I’m a good mum, a good friend, I’m a good wife and able to be there for other people,” she says.

“The Salvos invested in me. I couldn’t live without them and I love being able to now work with them.”

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